Enneagram For Dummies. Jeanette van StijnЧитать онлайн книгу.
convinced of my shyness deep inside, I will behave accordingly. This increasingly reinforces the behavior, and I resign myself to it, telling myself, “That’s just how it is.” Now any prospect of further development has vanished and I’m simply stuck. If I say, “I often feel shy” or “I need some time until I feel comfortable,” that's a different story. Then I don’t identify with the shyness, which in itself grants me some space.
Using the Enneagram as a tool
The Enneagram is a tool or an aid for developing yourself. You should use it that way. In other words, use it for yourself! As with other tools or techniques of self-development, it occasionally happens that people who grapple with it are primarily interested in changing the people around them. The thing is, no one is happy if they are pushed into something, and any attempt on your part to do so will surely backfire. You can encourage people to join you on your path only if they’re already open to further development. The best way to do this is if you become a source of inspiration because others see how you benefit from your method. My mother always told me, “If you want to improve the world, start with yourself.” That’s what I call “living by the Enneagram.”
Dealing with stereotypes
A stereotype is created when someone puts a label on people based on biases. Unfortunately, the personality descriptions offered by the Enneagram are well-suited for this purpose: “Now I know your type; now I know who you are.” This is a quiet shift in focus: Rather than learn more about the types, you end up seeing other people exclusively as their type. In this respect, here are some examples of such type stereotypes:
Perfectionists have tidy apartments.
Your apartment is tidy, so you must be a perfectionist.
Therefore:
You can’t be a perfectionist because your apartment is an absolute mess.
I see the internal mechanisms of the Perfectionist type in myself, but my apartment certainly isn’t tidy. Yet what's so bad about stereotypes? First, they lead to no good outcome and solve no problems. They’re superfluous. Second, they don’t let the many small details of the Enneagram type mechanisms come into effect. Certainly, some perfectionists — perhaps even many — have tidy apartments. That’s not what this is about. Other types may also prefer a tidy apartment, for different reasons. Perfectionists can keep an apparently messy household because they just don’t consider tidiness important or because tidiness doesn't correspond to their sense of order. With stereotypes comes the likelihood of missing the mark.
Finally — and most importantly — stereotypes never do justice to the individual being labeled. No one likes having stereotypical biases attached to them — even if the biases are essentially positive. At a meeting, for example, I was told by a stranger: “What I like so much about you perfectionists is that you hold on to things consistently.” This woman didn’t know me and still stuck this label on me because she knew something about perfectionists and because my Enneagram type was listed on my name tag. Although I recognize myself in the type mechanism of the Perfectionist, I definitely don’t “hold on to things consistently.” It’s annoying that other people attribute such things to you, especially if the attribution is incorrect or the other person barely knows you.
LETTING GO MEANS DEVELOPING
You developed your personality structure — your type, in other words — as a child because it was important for your development. Without the development of a healthy internal structure, you may find yourself subjected to disorders that reach the point where it isn’t possible to act independently in society. At the same time, people tend to exaggerate the characteristics of their type to the point that they become pitfalls and restrictions. Then it’s time to free your true self and let it take control. Your type is a false identification. You have your type, but you are not your type. What you are is something that will never leave you — you are what you are. If you have something, it stands to reason that you can also let go of it — in every situation, as often and as long as you want. Liberation here means freeing yourself of this identification, thus creating a space for further development.
YOUR DEVELOPMENT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR TYPE
Any knowledge about the type mechanisms includes recognition that strengths and weaknesses are type-related. This is why you can predict which strengths you’re more likely to see in one type than another. But the nice thing about the Enneagram is that, as a dynamic model, it assumes, and even aims toward, your continued development. Alice, who originally had a type that avoids conflict, can learn to confront others. Stan, whose tendency is to dominate the room, can learn to listen more to others. But some people can also be less characterized by the weaknesses of their types because those who have influenced them already took care to teach them certain concepts in this respect. Margaret, for example, says, “Helping others was important in our family.” She demonstrates a lot of Type 2 behavior, although that isn’t her own type mechanism. I also often see that people develop in exactly the area representing their greatest weakness and also the weakness that bothers them the most. Because they pay a lot of attention to this weakness, they can also compensate well. For that reason, I always tell people to use the Enneagram with great reservation and caution when it comes to employee recruitment. A person’s development and learning capacities are more important than their type.
Using your type as an excuse for your mistakes
Tina recently learned about the Enneagram and discovered that she can see a lot of the Type 3 mechanism in herself, which helps her understand the criticism she used to receive from her project team. That’s good, but now she keeps referring to it as an excuse: “I’m sorry for getting impatient, but I’m a 3, after all, and I care about speed” or “I’m sorry that I’m not considerate of your feelings, but, as a type 3, I don’t have much talent for this.”
It is precisely because you get to know your type and reach more self-awareness that these are no longer excuses for you. Because you now have a deeper insight and have become conscious of your strengths and weaknesses, you also get pointers on where to start developing your strengths and overcoming your weaknesses. Knowing about your type, in other words, is no excuse to stand still with your type's weaknesses and especially not to let them simply run wild.
Don’t believe the hype — try it yourself
In the Enneagram tradition, your own experiences are vital — this is not about blindly believing in something. That’s why, in the practice described in this book, the focus is on developing your own observational and analytical skills. A good starting point for this task is to not just adopt something out of hand but rather to explore it yourself. You can also find this advice in the Bible: “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21). This is the path toward self-awareness and development. Give it a try!
May I Introduce You to My Type?
So that you can develop an image of the nine Enneagram types as quickly as possible, the following sections offer nine summaries of the various internal mechanisms associated with each type.
Type 1: The Perfectionist
Mary is a perfectionist who has (subconsciously) established standards for herself to decide what is acceptable and what is not — to decide how things should be and how they should not. Being furious, for example, is not acceptable. She sees fury as an undesirable emotion and thus suppresses her rage. Instead, Mary is often annoyed — when other people don’t behave the way they should or the way it was agreed on or the way you'd expect any responsible adult to act. To make sure that Mary herself knows explicitly that she’s behaving properly or doing something well, she sets the bar high. When you do something