Regency Society. Ann LethbridgeЧитать онлайн книгу.
hurt him again, and she felt her resolve wavering. But she could not very well marry him, just to spare his feelings. Why could he not understand that one of them must hurt, no matter what path she chose?
She reached out to take his hand again. ‘No. Please, do not forsake me. I cannot help the way I feel. I wish I could, in so many ways, and yet, I cannot. I know I cannot marry you. But neither am I able to let you go. And I do not know what I am to do, in either case. It hurts me to think of it, just as it hurt to say it aloud. And that is why I was crying.’
He laid his other hand over hers and squeezed it tightly. And his smile was sad, but it was a real smile. ‘That is all right. I did not think you would say yes, and yet I felt moved to ask. I do not wish to make you cry, and am sorry to have done so. And truly, I have no desire to leave you and will not unless you send me away.’
He sighed. ‘So let us not think overlong on the details of this, since they pain us both. Until such time as you say otherwise, I am yours to command, your Grace, and that should be more than enough to be happy on, I think.’ And he pulled her close to him, so that she could lay her head on his shoulder, and rocked her in his arms until she dozed.
When she awoke, he was gone.
She returned to the house, lightheaded from her nap in the sunlight and unsure of her emotions. The crying had left her with a megrim that the nap had only partly soothed.
But it had been so restful, leaning against Tony, that she had quite forgotten what a bad idea it was to do so. And strange that he’d even allowed it. He had offered. She had refused. Afterwards, one of them should have slunk away in embarrassment, to nurse their wounds in private.
But he had been very accepting of her refusal, even though she could tell he was hurt. It would have been much easier if he had raged and stormed and then left her in peace. If he had abandoned her, she might have begun the difficult process of forgetting him, rather than closing her eyes and leaning into his shoulder, losing herself in a dream of what it might be like if they were two different people and she could say yes to him.
It could not have hurt him too deeply, then. It was a blow to the ego, of course. No man wanted to be told that he was not good enough to be marriage material. But it must not have been a blow to the heart. If it had been a mortal wound, he would not have recovered so quickly. It might actually have been the answer he wanted to hear, since he had done his best to help her, but had been able to keep his heart free, in case he ever managed to succeed with his dream woman.
All the more reason not to marry him. Although he might want her, he did not truly love her. Their marriage might have been a very workable relationship, if she had had the sense not to fall in love with him before he had asked. But if she had agreed to marry him because she loved him, she could see a grim future ahead. Once he had her, his ardour would cool and he would lose interest. And she would sit like the fool she was, suffering with every small indifference and worrying the night away that he would be captured and killed, or, worse yet, unfaithful.
He would be baffled by her behaviour, since he had given her no reason for it. He had made no grand promises of undying faithfulness before the marriage. Why should she expect them after?
So, it was all for the best. As long as she ignored the emptiness she felt, after denying him.
‘Your Grace.’ Susan rushed to her side, as she entered the house, trying to stop her as she walked down the corridor. ‘I am sorry. I tried. But his foot was in the door. And when I tried to close it, he pushed me and I fell. And I told him you were not at home, but he would not go away.’
The words were overwhelming, and made no sense, but Constance knew, before she opened the door to her sitting room, who she would find there.
Barton was smiling the same placid smile he always did when dealing with her, as though common sense and reason would eventually lead her to do the unspeakable. He did not rise as she entered, remaining relaxed and in control. ‘You ignored my note to you.’
‘Yes, I did,’ she responded. ‘And my servants were instructed not to open the door for you. You cannot continue to force your way into my home, Lord Barton.’
‘Your home.’ When he said it, it was no longer a question. He must know that she’d got the deed.
She pretended to ignore the fact. ‘I will have no more of these nonsensical threats of yours. I have no intention of becoming your mistress. And I do not acknowledge your ownership of my home. If you think you have a case, then take me to court, and prove that you own this house.’
He laughed. ‘You are beautiful, Constance, and more clever than I gave you credit for. I know you have taken the deed. I don’t suppose you would care to enlighten me on how that might have happened. I suspect that the one who helped you might have another motive to gain entry to my house. And I would like a word with him.’
‘I do not know what you are talking about.’
‘Of course you don’t, darling. To hear you, I am almost convinced. I doubt that you have the necessary skills to achieve this yourself. I know you had help. So I will watch you closely, and watch the men who watch you, until I see who your favourite shall be. And when I have discovered him, I will deal with him as he deserves.’
‘My favourite? I have no favourite.’
‘Not that I have noticed. But if you do not, you soon shall. The man that got the deed to your house made you work for it, I’ll wager, just as I intend to.’
She almost responded that Tony had been different, before she could help herself.
He smiled as he saw the look in her eyes. ‘You almost told me. But no matter. You will slip eventually. With a word. A glance. A chance meeting that is no chance. I will find him, and punish him. If it matters to you, you might warn him that I wish him to stay out of my business and that if he thinks he can take you from me, he is sadly mistaken.’ He looked up at her and reached into his pocket, producing a packet of papers. ‘I took the liberty of going up to your room as you slept in the garden, and retrieving what he took from me. And thus, we are back to where we started. You owed me then, and you owe me now.’
‘You lie.’ She reached to snatch it from his hand, and it disappeared again, inside his coat.
‘It was in the drawer of the night table, in your room. It is no trouble, getting by your servants, Constance. Freddy has kept anyone of value in his service. And you, with your soft heart, have employed his cast-offs. You are left with foolish girls and old men. It did not take more than a single blow to dispense with the few that stood in my way.’
‘You struck my servants?’ she said, with horror.
‘I taught them who the master of this house is to be. I doubt I will have to teach them twice.’
‘You had no right. They were doing their duty to me. You were trying to enter my room without permission.’
‘Then you had best give them permission to obey me, or next time I will strike them harder.’
‘If you must hit anyone, then hit the person who gave them the command.’ She stood in front of him, daring him to raise his hand to her.
‘And what good would that do, other than to mark that which I wish to remain unblemished? You are much more likely to obey me to save others, than you would to save yourself. Allow me to demonstrate. Call your maid into the room.’
‘I most certainly will not.’
He got up, stepped out into the hall and said, ‘Susan, come here, please. Your mistress needs you.’
‘I do not!’ But even as she said it, the girl had obeyed the first command, and come to the door of the sitting room. Barton seized her by the wrist and hauled her into the room, closing the door behind her.
Susan struggled, but was no match for him and he